There is an incredibly special person in my life whom I’ve known for twenty years. And while we’ve been out of touch for most of it, we have, over the last six months, been getting to know each other again. Our lives have changed drastically since we first met, and we share quite a bit in common with our current circumstances. Most recently, however, I realized that God had prepared my heart for this reunion about five years ago.  You see, my friend’s son is autistic.

In an effort to love and support him, I’ve been learning all that I can about autism from various sources. One book in particular broke it down into small bite-sized pieces so one could more easily digest just how much this mysterious disorder entails, and just how many different ways it can manifest itself. I was simply overwhelmed! But as I continued to read, I realized that God had miraculously intervened in my own son’s life when he was just a baby.

Until the time Samuel was 18 months old, he didn’t speak. He could certainly babble, but he made no attempts to say words of any kind. Initially, I wasn’t concerned; doctors attributed his lack of speech to everyone doing all the talking for him…Sarah and Caleb being the major culprits. Over time, however, Samuel began to exhibit behavior that was absolutely terrifying. Bursts of anger would end in self-injury. He would, and you could tell this was a purposeful act, sit on the kitchen floor and, with as much power as he could muster, throw himself backwards to hit his head on the floor. This type of behavior would carry on to any hard surface he could find, whether it was in his crib, a table, a floor…he would deliberately set out to hit and to hurt. Thinking this was a strong-willed child issue, I dealt with it as such. Much love and understanding with high doses of diversion. Then….

I went away to a conference for two or three days. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I was privileged to share it with my very dearest friend. Filled with a renewed sense of awe and wonder of God’s grace in my life, I came home refreshed and eager to lavish my family with all that God had imparted to me that weekend. However, something changed. The two weeks that followed the conference would be the most heart-wrenching and arduous I had ever known in my life. Excited to scoop up and love on my littlest one (I believe he was 15 months at the time), I was greeted by a stranger. Samuel wouldn’t come to me, wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t even acknowledge I was standing right in front of him. And that’s the way it continued for more than two, grueling weeks. Faithful to our bedtime routine of reading, dancing (to Frank Sinatra…yes, it’s true…he loved Frank!), and lots of hugs and kisses, I was met with impatience and antipathy. He wanted nothing to do with me. He wouldn’t make eye contact. He didn’t want to be held ~ in fact, whenever I picked him up his little body would go limp in protest. He simply treated me as if I was a stranger ~ an unpleasant one, at that.

His fits of rage continued as well, and I was a mess. Through tears, I shared what was going on with a woman at church, who happened to be familiar with autism and PDD.  Samuel's behavior wasn't limited to angry outbursts...in combination with the lack of speech, limited eye contact, hand-flapping, constant rocking motions, etc., she suggested that I have him tested. Just prior to this, and I don’t remember where I learned of it, but I had begun the process of teaching him sign language. It had occurred to me that in all my efforts to help Samuel, he couldn’t tell me what he wanted. He couldn’t verbalize, nor could he understand that pointing would help. So, I began to teach him the baby basics. Mom, Dad, more, milk, love, cookie, cup, toy, and a myriad of letters gestured across his breast to signify family members….those things he could ask for with one simple gesture. And it worked! Suddenly, the anger began to subside! Not completely, but he, and all of us, began to understand that communication had very little to do with words in Samuel’s world. The more he learned and used the signs, the more we backed off trying to get him to speak. The decrease in pressure to speak, the more he seemed to exercise his freedom to try it. And he did! At 18 months of age, Samuel said his very first word…..“car“. Not a typical first word, but that’s what was important to him. That day there was a celebration!!!

As far as the turbulent two+ weeks, the day I had a worker come to my house to observe Samuel was the very day he snapped out it. He was light-hearted, playful, making eye contact…all of it. What happened to that 15 month old child? Why did he suddenly wake up one day a different creature? Is a 15-month old actually capable of harboring ill-feelings for such a long duration? Is that what it was about, my going away? That is what I have always thought…up until now. After having read the information in these materials about autism, I truly believe God spared our family by healing Samuel. He heard the cry of my heart and allowed a miracle to take place in that little boy. I know that now.

The New Living Translation, 2Corinthians 1:4, I believe states it most aptly:

I know I can never fully appreciate nor comprehend what my beloved friend goes through on a day to day basis with his son, however, I do believe God…in His infinite wisdom, mercy, and grace…has given me a tiny glimpse of what it is to suffer the emotional trauma of knowing that your child is different, or requires the girding up of all that we have within us to supply their every need, every day. Could it be that God prepared my heart those five years ago in order that I may understand my friend and what he most needs in his own life right now? Though I am able to offer a degree of understanding that perhaps most cannot, the only One who can supply our every need is the Father. That pertains to all of us.

My friend and I have talked about peace every now and again…he finds it to be elusive for him, but comments on how I seem to always have it, as well as exuding an inexplicable trust in a sovereign god. In his book Finding Peace, Charles Stanley writes,

“Nobody can take your peace from you. If you have lost your peace, you have lost it for one main reason -- you have surrendered it.”

Peace comes from knowing that God is in control of every aspect of one’s life. When we surrender every circumstance to Him, He in turn takes those burdens on Himself and exchanges it for peace within us. He says, “give this to me…trust me with this…in return, I’ll give you a peace that defies and surpasses all understanding!”

Since that traumatic event with Samuel, I have learned a very important lesson. God chooses for us that which makes us greater…that which imparts life-long lessons…and He watches us very carefully to see that we are paying attention and that we use what we’ve been given.  Now that I am able to connect the dots, I now ask myself, “how will I use the lesson I learned about Samuel’s childhood experiences?”  He’ll show me…and He’ll use me…and I will be blessed beyond measure!